What I Believe (Today)

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m at the lowest point. Which is weird, since I’m sure I’ve said that a handful of times before. But man, I am struggling. 

Life has always felt very cyclical. I enter a new chapter, do my best to figure things out, and right when I get comfortable, everything goes into flux. I used to have a saying: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans”. Well, I’m done planning. I’m ready to start learning.

I’m learning that pain has a purpose. I sit here and think of Job, a man who had literally everything taken from him in a cruel test of faith. I think of the homeless man whose words turned me to Jesus in the first place. He told me, “I’m a bad man. I steal, I lie, I cheat. But every night I lay down and thank God for giving me another day to learn.” So often I forget these lessons.

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve found it hard to smile, get out of bed, or otherwise just live like a human. But there is one thing I never forget to do: pray. Lately, I’ve been asking God a lot of why questions. I hate questioning God, but I also hate having to sit here and suffer for a plan that I don’t even know the details of. 

But that’s the point. If we were meant to understand every little thing God does for us, why would we need him? We could always be two steps ahead of the big guy. But we need Him, we don’t need to understand Him. When Jesus went to wash his disciples’ feet (because why would he?), he told them “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand” (John 13:7, NIV). Sometimes all we need is to just take our hands off and trust.

Life isn’t easy. And every day, it seems to be getting harder. However, I believe that is where He wants us, so that He can work on us. Once we grasp that, then we are able to truly begin learning.

Prayer: Hey God. Please strengthen us and convict us in Your plan for us. Even if we are not the author, we know that our story is in the greatest hands. Help us weather whatever storms may come our way, so that we may come out shining Your Great Light. Amen.

-cg