**QUICK TRIGGER WARNING: minor mention of suicidal thoughts**
Yesterday sucked. Nothing bad happened, but it was still a really bad day.
I’ve spent most days recently spiraling. I’m constantly wrestling with the guilt and shame of mistakes and choices that I’ve made. Yesterday was one of those days. I couldn’t even make it fifteen minutes without finding myself staring down the dark hallway, seeing the shame waiting for me at the end. It’s hard to find strength in a moment like that.
I promised myself one thing when I started writing this project: I would be raw and honest with everyone. There have been too many days lately where I’ve questioned whether this life is one I want to keep living. But if I’m honest with myself, the one thing that always keeps me going is tomorrow. No matter how bleak things seem to get, I always tell myself that when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll have a chance to do it even better.
Why is tomorrow so important? To me, tomorrow has always represented a new beginning. A second chance. Tomorrow always gives me an opportunity to learn, grow, and be better than I was today. I don’t always succeed at that, and sometimes one bad day snowballs into two or three. But that’s totally okay!
I sit here and think about what was written in the Old Testament: “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV). God wants us to try over each and every day. He knows it isn’t going to be easy, and He knows that we aren’t going to have all the answers. There’s a reason I wake up and the first thing I pray is “Hey God, thanks for waking me up today.”
My freshman year of college, our professor took us out to the football field one day. He told us the entire 100 yards represented our time on Earth. He had some of us stand at the goal line (birth), some around the 5 yard line (beginning school), some around the 65 yard line (hopeful retirement), as well as other ages of notable life events. He then called us all in around the 18-22 yard lines. “This is your life while you’re here,” he told us. Four yards. Four years. Seemingly endless memories to be made. He then showed us that if you were to break that one yard/year down into 365 days, each day would be no larger than the width of a paperclip. The lesson he gave us has stuck with me ever since, and it’s one that I feel like everyone could benefit by knowing (thanks Corey).
You have an entire football field to run. One bad little paperclip isn’t going to stop you from reaching the other side.
Lately, it seems like life is giving us challenge after challenge. Somedays, it doesn’t seem to get any easier. It’s easy to throw your hands up and say “Well, life sucks, and then ya die.” Just remember: God renews His love for you every single day. Take that and give yourself the grace to take each day as its own chance to be the best version you can. And if it’s a real bad day, just throw that paperclip away. It wasn’t holding you together anyways, and the one you get tomorrow is going to be a lot stronger.
Prayer: God, please help us. Help us get through today. Help us get to tomorrow. When we have nothing to give, please fill us. When we lose strength and fall, please pick us back up. Reveal your renewed love for us so we can use every day to keep pushing forward for the Glory of your Kingdom. Amen.
-cg
P.S. – I’m sorry if this was a lot for you to read. I think part of the reason why I wrote this is because I’ve had too many people tell me that they’re shocked to hear how deep my wounds run. We all struggle. Life is hard. We are not alone. Even if you feel like you don’t hear God or have the best relationship with Him, know that we have each other. Call your friends. Check in on the ones you love. And if you need the help, I pray that you’re able to find it.
988lifeline.org (or dial 988)
What I Believe (Today) 
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